


Gay Naruto Dads

by Calicornia



Category: Naruto, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-07 13:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21217538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: Santa Claus is coming to town, the gay town.





	1. Chapter 1

Dio bust into the only fake Walmart in the Leaf Village. Dressed in white, and brown, he uttered the words.

"Look at me, I'm Neji Hyuuga."

Palmer and Volkner ran from the IRS, they were Naruto's gay dads. Two halves of Minato's fusion.

"Oi mate, 'ats a Crystal Gem if I ever seen one!" Nigel Uno ran in solidarity, he wasn't gay but he supports gay rights. Making him not gay.

"Idk I reckoned Numba One and Two were gay." Numba Four ran with the IRS, volleyball in hand.

The IRS is homophobic!

So is capitalism!

"Honey, we have to fuse!" Palmer shouted, Naruto's Nine tailed Ninetales awakening. "It'z the only way to make people accept the gay!"

Kakashi walked out from the Leaf Village Taco Bell, spatula in hand.

"Gay Senseis, I'm here for you!"

"Kakashi no!" Screamed Guy Sensei from the pit, the mosh pit at the Koichifits concert. "They'll come for you next!"

"Hey man, the Koichifits support gay rights!" John Koichi blared his Koichi guitar. The chase was on. The part 4 theme.

The bouncing of volley balls overpowered the music, but Palmer and Volkner eat balls for breakfast.

"Oi mate! I'll try to divert these mates away!" Nigel Uno turned around, spreading his arms out.

"Come at me ye dogs!"

But when the first ball struck, it was time to nigerundayoooo! Smooookey!

"So much for being for marriage equality!" Neji Hyuuga sighed. He was going backwards in age. Neji Benjamin Button.

Nejiman Button.

Nejiki Benjamin Button.

"I HEAR A THOT!"

The music stopped.

The planet stopped turning.

The birds stopped singing.

The plants stopped singing.

The Koichifts stopped being a band.

"The Koichifits are disbanding everyone!"

Mom ascension Koichi went into early labor.

Palmer and Volkner froze, their eyes full of fear. The clack of emo strap on boots filled the air. Naruto was full on crying. The pair prepared to fuse, but it was always too late.

Gary Pokemon bust a nut.

"Jesse Mcartney?" Asked Gary, it was his 18th nut busting birthday.

"I hear a thot..." Jojo Horton Hears a Who McDodd said. He scanned the area, searching for the object of thottery. The gays were afraid, Palmer knew he shouldn't have taken those selfies on the run. They were blurry.

A furry, emo finger pointed at Rohan, it wasn't his.

"You." Jojo snapped. "ARE A THOT!"

Snap snap, Rohan, you have been gohaned.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my god! They cucked Ronald McDonald!" The former Koichifits fans threw eggs at Palmer. Easter Eggs. 

Palmer was too busy taking selfies to notice, he had to give his FBI agent some content for the fap folder. Wrong move, Kurotsugu, your FBI is pregnant and Ronald McDonald.

"I never though I'd bear the child of a vegan, but you learn something new every day!" Ronald McDonald rubbed his afro. That's where he keeps the baby.

"How old were you when you first discovered you had feelings for Naruto's dad?" Nejiman Button asked, his news van scanning the area behind him. All Might was driving the news van.

"I was today years old. Being a single baby mama has given me a newfound love of DILFS. Dads, fathers, and paternal forbearers hit me up!"

Volkner shut off the TV, Palmer was crying.

"I'm glad I took all my selfies. I'm crying." He wiped away the tears, "This is a disaster. You can't fap to a depressed old man."

Rohan begged to differ. Outside he was, on the Depressed Old Man porn site!

Jotaro's ass in his face Sunday.

Snapback to reality, oh there goes gravity, fuck. Santa Claus is running towards the Uzamaki household at high speeds!

Using Rohan as a battering ram, he bust in.

"HO HO HOMOPHOBIA!" Santa Claus spinning heel kicked the TV. "I smell gay!"

Minato stood, Naruto in hand.

"DAD WHAT THE FUCK!" Bakugo, young Bakugo. Bakugo shonen. 8 year old Bakugo with a gun pointed at Santa Claus. "WHY IS IT GAY NARUTO DADS AND NOT GAY BAKUGO DADS!?"

"We love our baby boy, not our child boy." Minato placed Naruto into the Bakugo pit.

"SHIIIIINNEEEEEEE" Bakugo shot Santa Claus.

"OW FUCK THAT HURT. HO HO HOLY SHIT. I'M GOING TO BECOME A FEMINIST AND GO BACK IN TIME AND MAKE ABORTION LEGAL IN THE LEAF VILLAGE SO THAT THING WILL NEVER BE BORN!"

"He was born from consent!" Minato threw a rasengan, "Just like our love!"

"Oh yeah, did I consent?" 

Enter Ronald McDonald, his afro bulging with Todoroki. His stomach bulging with mcrib.

"Only a fool orders mcrib!" Minato threw more rasengans, the vegan kind this time. Bye bye Ronald McDonald, Todoroki has become a bastard.

"Ho ho how dare you!" Santa Claus shouted, flinging elves right and left, "That child was of a heterosexual christian marriage!"

"That's what you think!" Ronald McDonald screames in pain, he was dead. "I had consensual gay sex with Naruto's dad."

Bakugo shot Santa again.

"SHIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEEEEE ROCK LEEEEE."

Jojo McDodd heard it all.

He heard a thot.

Bruno Buccethottie.

"HOW MANY THOTS IS THORTON GONNA HAVE TO HEAR TODAY!?" McDodd saw it. His father dead on the ground. His Ronald McDaddy!

"NOOOOOOO!"

Santa Claus rolled his eyes at the screaming, his sack full. Full of Gay Naruto Dads. Bulging with Gay Naruto dads.

"He took the McDodds off the menu, he didn't love you." Santa Claus walked out, stoic as ever. The gay rights movement in the Leaf Village was a failure.

Jojo McDodd cried, and he cried. But nobody heard this thot.

Not even Lee.


	3. Hewwo? God? It's me, Bakugo

"Hajime, I know about the Coochie Dungeon." Hajime woke up in a cold sweat and a hot sweat. He was horny. But Ronald McDonald wasn't. Ronald McDonald could never be horny again. He had frenched his last fry.

Palmer was in the bag. The Santa Bag. He sent out his selfies so his grandmother could find him. Wrong move, Kurotsugu, she's dead. And you're 45 years old!

Jojo McDodd could hear him though, he heard all the thots. Even Lee!

Not even Lee could see what came next, Rohans mass produced to be rushed out before Christmas. He breathed in the ash and dust, he wiped his brow and sweat his rust. He breathed the chemicals.

"HEEEEEEEUGGGGH HAAAAH." Lee breathed.

It was the past now, Lee was radioactive. That's why he was green! Rohan was radioactive too, but that ass wasn't! He held his not baby boy and threw ass in a circle.

"Someone get this man a doctor!" Rohan cured Lee of his radioactive Lee! He was now Rock Lee, because he's rock free!

It's the present, like Santa Claus. Lee held one of the Rohans in his hand and remembered the time the chaotic twink saved his life.

"Hey Lois, remember the time Rohan Kishibe saved Rock Lee's life?" Peter Griffin from Peter Griffin Family Guy Peter cried, his heart was now not Family Guy. It was American Dad.

The Rohans are inert. They're no longer sexy, they're waiting for commands from the ho ho homophobe!

"Destroy all gay Naruto dads!" Santa Claus whipped and nae naed. "I'm breathing in the chemicals! I'm waking up! I feel it in my bones!"

"Enough to make my homophobes!" All of the Rohans chanted, "Welcome to the new age!"

Lee cried youthful tears, but those tears would age 50 years when he saw the state of the Rohans.

They all lost their fashion sense, their hair fused with their headbands. But worse of all, they each had a piece of the Naruto dads' kingdom hearts.

Xehanort had striken once again.


End file.
